These Pretzels Are Making Me Thirsty

Example one: "When he was just about to plunge a knife into Rico's abandon, Rico swiftly took a step to the right..."

Example two: "But Sebastian had given him strict orders 'not to close an eye', and he was determent to follow them."


Kids, just because you don't get a red squiggly line underneath a word doesn't mean it's the right one to use. Sometimes it's not even close, and words mean things; using the incorrect one can change the meaning of your sentence. Also see the classic definitely/defiantly flub, about which I've nearly reached the "toss my hands in the air and give up" stage.


Full disclosure on the examples above: they were not the story's only, or worst, transgressions.

Perchance and penchant are not interchangeable. They have quite different meanings. Please shut off your auto-fill. See also: definitely and defiantly.

If your character is diluted, you're deluded about what that word means. Also, you might want to get them to a hospital.

You don't peak around a corner, generally, or peak through one's fingers. Try peek. You'll like it, and your readers will also! (Except for the ones who also don't know the difference.)

Vice and vise are different. They're not actually even pronounced the same way, though I suppose one could argue they are indistinguishable in that respect, depending where one is from. However, the meanings are much more clear cut. ETA: Unless you're a British English user, but that's so hard to know so I'll amend the gripe to advice and advise. Tada! ;)

Meme borrowed from kristen999. What I've learned is that I could work on my lead in sentences ;)

Mixed bag of H50 and E! first lines under cut.

( In order of oldest to newest )

1) Author's Personal Beliefs Don't Jive

I really hate when I find a story I enjoy, then make the error of reading the author's profile only to learn they're kinda homophobic. No, author, it's not necessary to state how you will never, ever, NEVER write slash because you're a Christian. Just don't write it, okay? No blood, no foul. No one had to see your arse hanging out about this topic that actually has no relevance to the work you produce. Also, newsflash, author, Christianity does not prevent acceptance. If anything, I always thought it was supposed to encourage it. By choosing to use a fanfiction site to thump that particular Bible, you look like a dick. Finally, one can be a Christian and not only accept and support and enjoy fic about those not of the heterosexual bent, but also be gay oneself. LORDY, LORDY, SAY IT AIN'T SO!

Ugh. I am so disappoint, because I really enjoyed the writing until I looked at the profile and now I feel like I can't read more of that author's work.


2) Wildly OOC Characters

If you have to make all other characters act like strange people who aren't recognizable to those on the screen simply to make your favored character sympathetic, you aren't doing it right. Having everyone act dickish to build your character up is lazy writing, and is unnecessary. The character speaks for him/herself and doesn't need any of this kind of help. Unfortunately, the thousands of hits and hundreds of reviews/kudos you get make it seem like this kind of writing and character assassination is more than okay.

There's no accounting for taste, I guess, but I hate that you seem to be rewarded for this.


3) Some Epithets Are Better Than Others

Haole isn't a particularly nice word. It has some unkind meanings, if you take my meaning. So, why do all of his friends casually think of Danny Williams as "the haole" in your stories? Why is this the epithet you choose to use to end a dialogue tag when he's speaking? Why does the narrative voice call him haole more than it refers to him by name?

Epithets in general are annoying, but when they're slurs it's even worse. Use epithets in moderation if they're non-offensive, avoid them completely if they are. Jeez.


4) Your Life Story In Fanfiction

I'm sure your trip to XXX was wonderful for you. I didn't need to read it recreated with fictional characters, because it's kind of self indulgent and also kind of boring. I'm not saying you shouldn't ever write based on real-life events. Just, maybe consider not announcing at the start of the fic that you're basically chronicling your own holiday.