These Pretzels Are Making Me Thirsty

Haven't done this in a while.

1) From the Pit: (sorry for any spelling/grammatical mistakes? :P) There's no question; you should be and you should mean it more than you sound.

2) What is it with characters who lose the ability to pronounce vowels when they're injured or sick? I wish people would realize it's okay to say "Character A's speech was slurred" or some such -nst-d -f d-ng th's.

3) It's "Hey, Mikey, pass me the Life cereal," said Dave. It's not "Hey Mikey pass me the Life cereal" said Dave.

4) An ellipsis is three dots. Three. Not two, not twenty. Three.

5) I don't understand how authors can spell the same word both correctly and then incorrectly in the span of two sentences. I guess they're playing the odds?

I am now convinced the people who know the difference between their, there and they're are now in the minority.

Perchance and penchant are not interchangeable. They have quite different meanings. Please shut off your auto-fill. See also: definitely and defiantly.

If your character is diluted, you're deluded about what that word means. Also, you might want to get them to a hospital.

You don't peak around a corner, generally, or peak through one's fingers. Try peek. You'll like it, and your readers will also! (Except for the ones who also don't know the difference.)

Vice and vise are different. They're not actually even pronounced the same way, though I suppose one could argue they are indistinguishable in that respect, depending where one is from. However, the meanings are much more clear cut. ETA: Unless you're a British English user, but that's so hard to know so I'll amend the gripe to advice and advise. Tada! ;)

End quotes do not replace actual sentence-ending punctuation. REALLY. If you can remember to put in a damned question mark, why are periods and commas poison to you?

Also, deprivation and depravation are not the same thing.

I need to get out of the house. May tomorrow be free of rain and full of motivation. ;)


OTOH, Play Doh is fun.

I honestly don't understand folks who can use the words you are and then, in the same sentence, also mean to use it in its contraction form but instead type your.

"You are such a goofy thing, it's like your high on life."

Seriously. I don't get how it's so tough to know that the amalgamation of you and are is you're and not your. It's not confusing. Worse, though, are the people that use you're correctly and then incorrectly. It's like grammar whiplash to me.


I other news, internet woes continue. Is it unreasonable to be irritated that it's been nearly two weeks and no resolution is in sight? I resent having to ask to go online, tbh, primarily because it feels invasive that they then know when I'm online and when I'm not. It's ... uncomfortable or something.

Last night, just as I was about to take a nice drink of ice cold water, Johnny decided the only route to the back of the sofa was across my lap. Unanticipated ice water bath, thanks, little fucking cat! It really was the first time I uttered uncharitable words at the poor sweetie sweet, because she's seriously the most polite cat in the world. I think I also said, nonsensically, "I hope your apple pie is freaking worth it!"

( This is what she got up to on the back of the sofa: )

Annnnd this morning I awoke, stumbled half asleep to the bathroom. And instantly stepped in a little poop ball. Someone wasn't done when s/he left the box. At least I had shoes on, though the drawback is the pair I was wearing happened to have very intricate and plentiful grooves on the soles. Gross. GROSSSS.

I really am going to perish of fits one of these days.

But, oh! I made popcorn today and dusted it with a blend of dill, celery seed, onion powder and salt and YUM.

I just saw someone use wait when they meant weight.

And I also think many legitimately do not know that defiantly is not definitely.

Education reform now, please.

It is helpful to know the difference between the following words:

incite and insight

massage and message

prostate and prostrate

played and plaid

ministrations and menstruations(!)

I ... I just ... that last one.

Also, what's with all the "sealing" of eyes? Close is a perfectly good word. If you seal your eyes, I think your eyelids must have some adhesive or something. Like envelopes. DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO ENVELOPES WHEN THEY ARE OPENED? Ripppp. Not good.

Dear Fanfic Writer,

Humorous ≠ humerus. I can see why that's a tad confusing, so if you don't trust me find a dictionary.

I'll take the opportunity to mention again that repel ≠ rappel.

Also, fair ≠ fare.

Sincerely,

SBG



Dear Fanfic Writer,

I actually like your work. It contains a nice blend of humor and action, and sometimes H/C. The stories, good. The 'weird' use of apostrophes you got 'going on' perplexes me, though. I cannot 'figure out' why you insist on using them. To me, single quotes to 'accent' something kind of indicates condescension, you know, the way people do 'air quotes' when they're being snotty. I find it 'baffling', but am reluctant to address it with you 'directly' for fear of offending.

Also, you could lay off the equally random and often misplaced italics and that would be so nice.

'Sincerely' puzzled,

SBG


Dear Slash (And Some Het) Writer,

For the love of all that is sanitary, do not have your characters bareback and then have the bottom blow the top. That is inadvisable. In fact, it is ewwwwwwwwsonotsexy!

Aieeee,

SBG

What is up with people suddenly splitting compound words? I see it with greater frequency these days.

Somehow becomes some how.
Background becomes back ground.
Bittersweet becomes bitter sweet.
Intact becomes ... oh, wait, that's not a compound word, it's just one people think is and split it up into in tact for reasons I still haven't figured out. Intact is one word!

Believe it or not, putting in a space really does change the meaning sometimes. Or is that some times?

1) It's not should have went. It's should have gone. This is nothing new. I don't know how this was missed by SO many friggin' people, but please spread the word.

2) Sink, sank, sunk. Drink, drank, drunk. Run, ran, run. Etc.

3) For the fifty thousandth time, I assure you intact is one word. Keep it intact.

4) It's not should of, would of, could of. I know it sounds like it due to lazy speech. It's actually should have, would have, could have. The former, you see, makes no sense while the latter makes perfect sense.

5) When you're trying to imply the backup/troops have arrived, you mean cavalry, not Calvary. Letter order isn't arbitrary.

6) Punctuation is important. I suggest you learn how to use it. No, I don't care if you're just writing for fun. Lack of punctuation makes you look moronic, and that can't be much fun.

7) Isn't it easier to say why rather than how come? (Okay, this one's personal. I have a deep-rooted hatred for how come.)

8) Your/you're. Simply, if you intend to say you are, then you should use you're. It's a contraction. All you have to do here is think for a fraction of a second. Brain farts happen. This is why we edit.

9) Other than annoying a reader or 200, exclamation points don't actually add much to a story. If you write properly, you shouldn't need to use these in every sentence! Trust me!! *wink*

10) Less and fewer are not interchangeable. Please look into this. Helpful hint: the express lane at every grocery store I've ever been in has this WRONG.


I woke up cranky. A spider just ran across my keyboard.