These Pretzels Are Making Me Thirsty

Dear Author,

You know, I was willing to overlook the weird and intrusive bold/italic thing (style?) you seem so fond of doing, you know, emphasizing words that do not need emphasis in narrative or dialogue. I was also willing to overlook your love affair with the dash. I don't know anyone who actually says "yo-ou" on a regular basis or pronounce names in singsong such as the dash implies (Ste-ven!), but whatever. Really, I can get by those through some major teeth-gritting, because I enjoy the stories you write in and of themselves.

But I can't really take you seriously when you replace the word hand with appendage. Once, maybe, but repeatedly? "He put his hand on (male) Character X's appendage", you see, could be read in a way I do not believe you intended, as you write gen fic. ;)

Also, vertical and horizontal as adjectives when Character A (of a certain career) is conscious and walking and Character B (of that same certain career) is unconscious on a hospital bed. Please, no, don't do this. EG: "The vertical man looked at his boss." "The horizontal man let out a pitiable moan." What is that I don't even. You use this regularly and it's truly puzzling.

I wish you would actually learn to write better, or, as you would say, bet-terrrr. Someone ought to tell you. Alas, I've already learned that lesson, so it won't be me.

Signed,

the vertical SBG (with her appendages!)

Posted on a group designed solely for the posting of fic:

can I post stories on this site, I have two stories that are complete, and three that are in process.


Me: Sure, I suppose. I know I personally would rather you didn't, though, if your fiction is written in the same manner as your redundant, improperly punctuated and run-on request.

*meow*

I know, I know. Am counting blessings for no spelling errors.