These Pretzels Are Making Me Thirsty

They'll give you fourteen different ways to increase your services.

They'll give you fifteen different ways you can pay for those services (how in the heck is internet access and cable TV really a service, anyway?).

What they won't give you is a way to reduce the services.


If I can't unbundle and get just a basic cable (I do not need 150 channels. I will miss MeTv and TNT and Food Network, but not enough to break the piggybank to have them), it's over. I mean it this time. I freaking set up autopay so I didn't forget to a month, and not only did it not actually auto anything, but they gave it all of seven days to start coming after me for being past due. They sent a nastygram declaring I was in danger of losing services if I didn't respond in five days. The letter arrived seven days after it was sent, bee tee dubs. Two days later, another letter spelling out my doom and gloom. In between then, scrolling messages online demanding I contact them NOW NOW NOW.

You know what? No.

ETA: They have a "we don't usually offer this" basic cable package but it comes with a $45 fee to come out and fiddle with things to make sure I'm not able to get more channels accidentally. Yes, they make you pay to drop to a non-preferred option.