Wow, 60 pages? That is *a lot.* Just what isn't working? That seems to be so much to say good bye to. Surely there is some way to salvage it?
The premise of the story is "for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." Basically, SG-1 encounter a race that is parasitical but not in the way they're used to - the society is divided into uber rich and successful and extremely poor and destitute. The destitute really don't have a choice about their condition (here plays the parasitical nature of the society).
Anyway, I originally had SG-1 finding the slums and questioning the rich folks...and promptly getting tossed through the 'gate to a place where they also learned the rule of "equal and opposite reaction," though in a much different manner. After one of them, of course, has come into contact with a parasitical being and is in a spot of trouble. Which wouldn't have been so bad, except where they went there was no DHD.
I didn't even sum that up well. I don't think it's a bad story, but I do wonder myself why it was necessary to dump SG-1 onto a remote location. There are decent moments in it I hope to save, but who knows?
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carisma_sensei
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Date: 2006-07-13 05:48 pm (UTC)The premise of the story is "for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." Basically, SG-1 encounter a race that is parasitical but not in the way they're used to - the society is divided into uber rich and successful and extremely poor and destitute. The destitute really don't have a choice about their condition (here plays the parasitical nature of the society).
Anyway, I originally had SG-1 finding the slums and questioning the rich folks...and promptly getting tossed through the 'gate to a place where they also learned the rule of "equal and opposite reaction," though in a much different manner. After one of them, of course, has come into contact with a parasitical being and is in a spot of trouble. Which wouldn't have been so bad, except where they went there was no DHD.
I didn't even sum that up well. I don't think it's a bad story, but I do wonder myself why it was necessary to dump SG-1 onto a remote location. There are decent moments in it I hope to save, but who knows?