![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
superbadgirlFor Janet Lucille. 1940 - 2023. May perpetual light shine upon her.
It kind of all hits at once. My mom lived a very long, very good life till the last few years and I knew it was time. I am so happy for her to have peace at last, but my heart is broken for my dad who has never allowed himself to think of life without her and now doesn't know how to deal with the level of pain he has - or how it manifests. Spent much of the last week at his house, having good conversations but those were all distractions. Once the business of death is over, that's when it begins in earnest. I hadn't cried till today and now I can't stop. Funny how I thought I was prepared and ready for it, how I told myself the person I knew was already gone, so this would be easy. My dad said something very similar to me. I worry my dad will, in his attempt to lessen the pain, get rid of reminders of my mom and then regret it later when it's not so fresh. I advised my sister to move things out of his sight, but not get rid of them yet. I worry he will not know what to do and that his heart won't be able to take it.
It was good to see family. It was horrible to see family.
^From the window of my sister's house. The storms both here and in the midwest made travel a very tough proposition last week, and I almost didn't make it. Thank goodness I flew Delta, they delayed and that was the only way I got on my flight. You can always count on Delta for a delay.
I do the park and fly thing at a hotel nearby - I don't know why, but I feel more secure leaving my car there than a jammed and crammed airport lot. When I showed up, the front desk agent said, "Our shuttle's not running." and when I asked her if she knew any alternatives to get to the airport she just said about twelve times, "The bridges are both closed." and shrugged. I finally snapped, "I heard you. You've said it repeatedly. I am asking if you know of any other route..." AND I blurted, "My mother just died, I can't not get there I just want you to help me." Nada. Nothing. Doubt I will be able to bring myself to park there again. Not their fault, I know, but I was so upset by their complete paralysis. I ended up calling for an Uber because I was in absolutely no emotional state to drive, and we managed to drive over one of the closed bridges (hint, it wasn't actually closed) and I got on a plane, sat on that plane for nearly two hours while Delta putzed around and then finally got going. Honestly, it was a circus, but it kept me from bawling.
^On Sunday morning, my sister and dad went to church. I got up a bit later, stumbled downstairs and looked out the front door to see seven of these lumbering prehistoric creatures running full speed straight for the house. Truly, if you haven't see a wild turkey running - they are creepy, creepy birds. They had a disappointing breakfast, as my dad's not been in the mood for tossing out feed for them or any of the birds.
I took a couple more shots, but I think that's enough. Time to go cry a bit more. You know how it goes. Love you all.
It kind of all hits at once. My mom lived a very long, very good life till the last few years and I knew it was time. I am so happy for her to have peace at last, but my heart is broken for my dad who has never allowed himself to think of life without her and now doesn't know how to deal with the level of pain he has - or how it manifests. Spent much of the last week at his house, having good conversations but those were all distractions. Once the business of death is over, that's when it begins in earnest. I hadn't cried till today and now I can't stop. Funny how I thought I was prepared and ready for it, how I told myself the person I knew was already gone, so this would be easy. My dad said something very similar to me. I worry my dad will, in his attempt to lessen the pain, get rid of reminders of my mom and then regret it later when it's not so fresh. I advised my sister to move things out of his sight, but not get rid of them yet. I worry he will not know what to do and that his heart won't be able to take it.
It was good to see family. It was horrible to see family.
^From the window of my sister's house. The storms both here and in the midwest made travel a very tough proposition last week, and I almost didn't make it. Thank goodness I flew Delta, they delayed and that was the only way I got on my flight. You can always count on Delta for a delay.
I do the park and fly thing at a hotel nearby - I don't know why, but I feel more secure leaving my car there than a jammed and crammed airport lot. When I showed up, the front desk agent said, "Our shuttle's not running." and when I asked her if she knew any alternatives to get to the airport she just said about twelve times, "The bridges are both closed." and shrugged. I finally snapped, "I heard you. You've said it repeatedly. I am asking if you know of any other route..." AND I blurted, "My mother just died, I can't not get there I just want you to help me." Nada. Nothing. Doubt I will be able to bring myself to park there again. Not their fault, I know, but I was so upset by their complete paralysis. I ended up calling for an Uber because I was in absolutely no emotional state to drive, and we managed to drive over one of the closed bridges (hint, it wasn't actually closed) and I got on a plane, sat on that plane for nearly two hours while Delta putzed around and then finally got going. Honestly, it was a circus, but it kept me from bawling.
^On Sunday morning, my sister and dad went to church. I got up a bit later, stumbled downstairs and looked out the front door to see seven of these lumbering prehistoric creatures running full speed straight for the house. Truly, if you haven't see a wild turkey running - they are creepy, creepy birds. They had a disappointing breakfast, as my dad's not been in the mood for tossing out feed for them or any of the birds.
I took a couple more shots, but I think that's enough. Time to go cry a bit more. You know how it goes. Love you all.
no subject
Date: 2023-02-28 10:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-03-02 02:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-03-01 07:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-03-02 02:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-03-01 05:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-03-02 03:01 am (UTC)loss
Date: 2023-03-03 04:30 am (UTC)Re: loss
Date: 2023-03-04 04:34 pm (UTC)