Drama Llama,

[superbadgirl]

I'm not your mama.

Colleague at work is having a crisis. I honestly do not blame her, to some extent. Her training was truncated and I do not believe she was really grasping things when the world shifted and her trainer started working from home.

I said immediately that I didn't understand why that was allowed to happen. I stayed in office because I remember being new to the position. There are a LOT of moving parts and things that take a long time to get one's brain around, and I didn't see how it would be possible for a newly hired person to survive without someone there to act as a support. An untrained support (meaning, it's not my role to train people), but at least a live being...

Anyway, we've been limping along okay for the most part. But Thursday, she ended up in my cube in absolute hysterics over not knowing what to do about a new client she was trying to set up. The boss was, of course, absent. The problem is: what she was hysterical about was one of the easiest concepts to grasp, it was almost identical to another case she had worked on the day prior and she simply isn't connecting the dots. Like, if I had a scenario almost identical to one I'd already done, I would be able to intuit what to do with the new one based on what I learned previously.

I hear her all the time saying how she's never been told X, Y or Z... when in fact she has, multiple times. By me. Soooo, the information is being given, it's not being retained. She openly admitted to me that when we have meetings, she doesn't understand 95% of what is discussed. She NEVER says anything.

It's gotten to the point that my frustration is bleeding through and edging out the sympathy. There's only so many times you can listen to someone claim they don't have the knowledge when you yourself have imparted it to them repeatedly, and you know others have as well.

The other issue is: I feel like she doesn't actually listen. She asks a question, I provide guidance. She continues to spin her wheels on the same thing, pulls in other people annnnnnnd finally, after hours (actual hours), she finally realizes that she should go with what I told her originally. That can't help with retaining info, to quintuple guess everything to death.

Related to that, after the Thursday meltdown, I suggested she speak to the boss, explain that she is not comfortable with This Part of the job and ask if for now she can focus on That Part and also receive some additional training for This Part. Sounds reasonable, yes? Her response: It's fine, I'm just stupid, I guess.

(I am NOT getting sucked into THAT manipulation - tell me that's not someone just waiting for the, "Oh, no, you're not stupid." assurances.)

She also chronically gets offended at how other people communicate with her. EVERYone is offensive. Literally everyone is just rude to her and then she twists it all around to be all Eeyore, "I don't know what it is about me and why I can't communicate..."

I just. I'm over it, y'all.

Thank you. That is all.

Comments

[silverflight8]

Yikes, she sounds like a nightmare :( Can't retain info, learned helplessness, ignores advice and wants sympathy, easily upset, eugh. I'm sure she'll go far!

[superbadgirl]

I mean, I totally get where she's coming from re: coming into a new job just as COVID locked everyone down. However, that seems now like a crutch. I told her on Thursday that I think she's got a mental wall; the second she gets something she's not sure what to do with, she immediately goes all helpless. I feel sure that offended her tremendously, but that wall? That's not something ANY amount of training will help her with if she herself isn't interested in either destroying it or climbing over.

Boy, though, am I glad I am not a manager. (Though I will say this: my manager's style and this person's needs are not a good fit.)

[silverflight8]

I'm sympathetic, but I've also now onboarded 3 people who have joined during the pandemic, they have never met us in person ever. Is it hard, yes. Do they still work a job, yes. Like...once it comes down to it, are you just going to suck forever? Or do something about it? I just cannot fathom the learned helplessness thing; it's probably one of my least favourite traits ever. Maybe it's tactic to get others to do your work.

[readerjane]

I think it is a tactic to get others to do your work, and sometimes it's a conscious tactic. Sometimes it's unconscious. Those are the hardest for me to deal with. When I'm confident that a coworker is using that tactic consciously, I can just be angry with them, draw boundaries, and hold my ground. When they don't seem to be aware they're using that tactic, it's harder to set my sympathy aside... even though I still need to do so, at some point, or risk being stuck in the nanny role forever.

Once I snapped on a conference call. One of the conscious manipulators asked me, with several other coworkers on the line, "Can you tell us the steps for this process?" Before I could bite my tongue, I replied, "Do you promise to write it down this time?" Dead silence on the line before the learned-helplessness guy answered. Any of those colleagues could have complained to my boss, but I got lucky and they didn't.

[superbadgirl]

I would guess they were all on your side. Every time one of my colleagues asks the same thing over and over or makes the same bonehead errors, I have to bite my tongue and if I am, I know others are too.

[silverflight8]

Ugh, that's so irritating, I can't blame you, honestly. I agree with drawing boundaries...even for those who are genuinely not aware they are manipulating. At the end of the day - they'll just expect you to do their work for them, forever! I refuse to do this.